Amniotic fluid embolism awareness day



I have the most amazing people in my life. More than 25 amazingly supportive friends and family wore blue and pink on Friday, in honor of AFE awareness day. Read more about it on my BLOG!

 

xoxo to you all!

Everyday angels on Earth....

Josh, Camden, Oakland, Cali, Yvonne, Courtney, Amanda, Windi.

I just posted on my blog about meeting the 911 operators that started the process to save my life. Courtney walked Josh through the 911 call, instructed him how to perform CPR and kept him calm and aware for 11 solid minutes in the worst moments of his life. Yvonne dispatched an AirMed helicopter, knowing I needed to get to a hospital far faster than an ambulance could take me. And of course, Amanda and Windi- two of my best friends.

My new blog

I am not even sure if anyone still reads or follows this blog but I have decided to create a new one. I feel like this was such a different part of my life and much more dedicated to my family and our doings. I want to blog about my feelings and experiences of the past, hopefully to not only help myself but others with feelings of losing kids, almost losing your life, having kids and adoption.

Also, please comment on this blog with all of your blog addresses or inspirational ones you follow- I've been out of the game for so long that I don't know who blogs anymore!

Love you all! Thank you so much for your comments and support, you have all gotten me through the hardest times of my life!!

xoxo

Cali's Blog

Adoption

“The deepest losses offer the widest openings for us to receive the miracles in our midst.”

I have been privileged to see adoption in my families lives, however, Josh and I will soon be able to experience this first hand. As you may know, 5 weeks ago our adoption profile was published online. We are hoping that by spreading the word about our desire to adopt, we will find the child meant to join our family.

My excitement at the prospect of being an adoptive parent grows every day and my awe for the birth mothers I know does as well. I love everything about adoption and have such a love for everyone that is involved in this truly selfless process.

We set up an adoption blog so please feel free to refer anyone to it that might be interested in learning more about us. Josh, Oakland and I know that there is a little miracle out there for our family and we talk about this sweet spirit(s) so often. We are thrilled about this process and hope that you can help us build our family through adoption!

What's Mine is Yours Music Video

   My Sister-In-Law showed me this video and I absolutely love it. 

Hero's in a world of havoc

So I have to admit, I never watch the news. I get so discouraged with violence, accidents, natural disasters.... and then there is what happened two days ago in Connecticut. I have read the many posts, comments, and news reports regarding it but no matter what you read, it doesn't get better. The world can be scary, the people can be even scarier.

I hope this doesn't sound awful but it makes me grateful for how I lost my two boys. It makes me grateful that I'm alive to hold my daughter so close to me. I take comfort in my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have seen very sad things in my life- through the media, news, etc. but also in my personal life. I have also seen miracles. I have met genuinely good people. There is so much bad in this world but there is also so much good that maybe doesn't get the attention it should. Here is one of those stories...

I have a younger brother with Down Syndrome. He is turning 16 in the next few days and is a sophmore in high school. He just joined the wrestling team! The coaches are one thing. They accepted Alex immediately and think of him as a member of the team. They treat him like any other athlete, they make him do the work outs, but they also understand that this boy is stubborn and requires a little more attention. It has been amazing for me to see.

And then there are the members of his team. These boys are hero's. They are kind men who really like and care about him. They treat Alex with compassion. They make him work hard! I have been priviledged enough to watch two matches and have cried through both of them! I don't even know how to describe the feeling I have to see these boys so willing to wrestle him. How they cheer him on and teach him while wrestling. He has a great team, full of boys that I look up to so much.

And then I was shocked to see how the other schools treated him. They don't know Alex, they could easily reject him and not want to wrestle him... but that is not the case. These boys will forever hold such a special place in my heart for being so kind to my little brother. They put up a real good fight, but explain to Al what to do. They make him work his hardest but don't just give in. And they let him win and then cheer him on. I watched as he ran down the sideline of the opposing school's boys giving out high fives and they all wanted to congratulate him.

Unfortunately the world we live in has violence and bullies. But I have had the opportunity to meet some real hero's and am proud that there is still so much good in this world. I hope I can raise every single one of my kids to be the hero and stand up for any that may need it...

The blank mind

I have tried to write this post for exactly one week. Most of the time I just sit here. Other times I try to look up words that may describe how I have been feeling... but there aren't words. I may make one up.

Saturday morning I woke up on the other end of the phone. This time the phone call wasn't about me, but I wish it was because no one should ever have to lose a baby. The call I got was about a neighbor I grew up across the street from, Sonja. She was due with her fifth baby on the 9th of this month and last Saturday they were unable to locate the heartbeat of her sweet son Daniel. I went and saw her in the hospital, I visited her later in the week, I attended the funeral. 

I needed her to know that she wasn't alone, I wanted to help. I wanted to hold her kids. I therapeutically shopped for anything that may comfort her. My Mom held me up- literally- as I watched Sonja's heart break and mine all over again. I don't sleep at nights. It's all back. The memories, feelings, hurt in my chest. Not that it ever went away...but it's just back in the front of my heart.

Sonja's family is amazing. Her Sister is battling cancer, her son battled cancer, had his leg amputated and that boy still smiles and runs! Everytime I see him, I fall in love with my life. Her other kids are so sweet. They are kind and they have gone through things no one should have to. Her daughter is weeks younger than Mac and Sonja let me hold her in the hospital when she was born. Something that I will never forget and touched me more than she knew.

She is stronger than me. She spoke at Daniel's funeral, she has already blogged about what happened. This week has been full of emotions. But this I know. Everything that happens to us, good or bad, is a part of us. But it doesn't get to define who we are, we get to decide that.

My Sister-in-law came over the other night for a homework assignment but what she did for me, again, I don't know how to express. She let me talk, about my feelings, about all the repercussions, about Oakland. I'm not good at thanking people in person because I get choked up and stumble over words.

 I remember my parents, Josh and Oakland- at most every visit they came to in the hospital, after the first few days. Other visits are scattered but a memory I have a lot of is of this Sister and Brother-in-law. I don't remember details but I remember them there. My first major outing, they were there helping with Oakland and I. She texts me all the time to check in on me, and always follows up with how I'm doing- always at the right time. She does this with everyone in the family- she's great and I love her.

Josh and I are getting close to having our names published on lds family services site for adoption! So if you know anyone that is expecting, I would love to meet them.

On one last note. I attended my last scheduled doctors appointment on Monday. I have had one at least every week for the last 5 months. I'm off Coumadin, my blood thinner. They'll be running tests to see if I have any other clotting disorders to determine if I have to be on thinner the rest of my life. So... I have to wear a compression sock. :) I have chronic pain in my right leg and headaches because of the lacking blood flow. But I am here, alive, and enjoying every moment with Oakland and Josh. I am deciding how the good and bad will define me.

Live all the days of your life...

Tim McGraw sings a song... "Live like you were dying". I'm sure most of you have heard it, I heard it plenty before my accident. But today, it made me cry. Hard enough that I had to turn the radio off in order to drive. The situations in my life have taught me to love life no matter what the circumstances. And not only love life, but actually live all the days of your life. This song is me. I'm not living like I'm dying, but I'm living like I got that second chance. It made me realize all the things in life I wanted. Don't wait!

Be a better friend, a better son, a better worker, a better Mom. Quit your job if you hate it, go back to school if you want to. Be happy with your life and have no regrets. Do the next right thing, help a neighbor, think about someone else every day before you think of yourself. Write thank you or love notes, be spontaneous, kiss, create memories that you would be sad if you didn't have. Turn off your phone while talking to your kids, actually play with them.

My sister will love me for quoting Dumbledore so... he tells Harry, "It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices." It doesn't matter what has happened to you, it matters what you do with what has happened to you. Live your life like you got a second chance. Trust me, there is no other way to live...