Awards night

~sorry these pictures are kind of blurry...my camera has a hard time focusing on small objects~

UVU held an awards night tonight that was really fun! They have done this the past couple of years and everyone dresses up, student athletes are nominated for different awards and recognition and then we get together and have dinner and the awards are given out. Josh was actually one of the athletes that was asked to come up and hand out an award to the Teachers of the semester- he does such a good job on stage (and is pretty good lookin when he cleans up).
This year Josh got nominated for the Wilson Sorensen Spirit of Sport's award as well as the Athletic Service award (which he was awarded last year). I am so proud of Josh because this really is a big deal- you first have to get nominated out of the whole athletic departement and then to actually receive the award is a great accomplishment because there are so many deserving athletes at UVU.
This year Josh actually won the Wilson Sorenson Spirit of Sports award which is "For the athlete who best exemplifies the spirit of sportsmanship and teamwork; who are willing to put the team ahead of themselves; who are willing to sacrifice for the good of the team and who value the true meaning of good sportsmanship."

To have a husband that respects the game enough to have good sportsmanship and teamwork and puts the team ahead of himself is a good sign for other life events. :) It makes me excited for when we are able to have a family on this earth to see how he interacts with our children. I don't know why but tonight I really missed Mac... alot. I kept thinking that he would probably be a lot like Josh- outgoing, selfless, friendly, good public speaker, motivated, and team oriented (well not right now, but when he grew up). He would probably be an athlete because Josh and I both love sports so much and would have won awards and we would have gone to recognition nights, and all of that fun boy stuff you get to do. I really was sad that I was going to miss that with Mac.

I feel like every day something new hits me, that is hard and hurts and makes me wish I just had my little guy to hold and snuggle with. I always just want to kiss his cute little nose and tickle those long feet. He would be 10 months old in less than a week and in so many ways it has gone by insanely slow...but it has also gone by fast! I have a 10 months old little boy that is so perfect in every single way. So I have a favor to ask...those of you that have kids- will you give them a kiss on their nose and a huge hug for me? :) You have to love every moment you have with them because you never know when that will end.

~ps. Monday and Tuesday are Josh's last home games...forever! and Tuesday is Senior night. If anyone wants to come we'd love to have you!! Thanks to all that have supported Josh and I through baseball the past 3 seasons!~

Happy Easter!!

Mac has the GREATEST grandparents in the entire world! They both came and put out some decorations so that Mac could celebrate Easter with us and even left him some cute notes. I have to say that Easter has been hard- I guess I should have expected that since every holiday so far has but who knew that we would be decorating McKallisters grave instead of dying Easter eggs with him? I've had a lot of experiences lately that have made me grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that I have. Today I am especially grateful for my savior and Jesus Christ. They have taught me so much in the last 10 months about Eternal Families and have made me proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Without the gospel and my family I don't know where I would be today and for that I am grateful. Happy Easter Egg hunting!!

California Baseball

My work had Friday off so I got to fly to California early Friday morning to watch Josh play baseball. It was a little cold on Friday during their double header but then the sun came out Saturday and it was all shorts, t-shirts, flip-flop tan lines and baseball watching. The last two pictures are actually not from this weekend but I liked them and wanted to post them. :) On the second picture down you can see the parking garage in the background- i think there were more people watching the game from the tailgate of their car then the actual stadium. We got to go out to eat with our boys Friday night and I hung out with Lacy and her cousin Jamie the whole time. It was a blast!! Thanks all for a fun weekend!

What a stud...

Look how awesome this picture is! It was taken at one of the Oregon games and posted on UVU's Althetic page. I really miss Josh while he is gone and it's really hard for me some weeks to not see him for days at a time, but I'm so glad that he is playing ball while he has a chance and having fun with it. He has great coaches and has made so many friends through baseball- it's been a great experience. I look back and wonder how it would be if Mac was still alive...would I miss Josh more? Would it be harder for Josh to be away from his son? It's hard knowing that I won't see McKallister for a while, and at this point I guess I'm just glad that Josh and I can miss each other, knowing that we'll see each other next week. Love you Josh!

Spare time fun...

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My little Sister, Taylor, and I have been doing Birthday parties in our spare time. :) TJ is an amazing artist and so does the face paintings and I will do the others hair while they are waiting for their turn. It's a cute little way for them to feel pampered and we have both really had a fun time doing what we love! Thanks for all of our cousins for volunteering their friends to be our experiements. :)

What's new...

Ok so as you can see it's been two weeks since I last blogged- man did I have a lot to catch up on! There has been a ton going on with our little family so I'll do my best to update everyone...

Josh- Baseball Season...need I say more? Josh so far has traveled to Portland, Cedar City, and he is currently in Spokane for the next couple of days. They have had a series of home games, which I have loved to watch him play and have changed my work schedule around so I could try to be to all of them, which means a lot of tired days for me (working from 7:00-3:30 then watching baseball in the cold until 10 or 11 at night). Josh is doing really well this season considering everything that has happened in the last year and how clingy his wife is. :) Only 40 more games- or 2 months- left and Josh is officially done with college ball. I can not believe how fast it all went and don't know what I will do without baseball in our life. I'm proud of Josh because between baseball, family, church callings, traveling, and hanging out with me, he still finds time to do his school work and is kickin out some pretty good grades so far!

McKallister- Perfect kid. :) No but really, my little man would probably love watching baseball games by now and not know anything different then hanging out with Dad in a room full of stinky baseball players. But...since he is not here with us, I have some good news! I went in today and paid for Mac's headstone!!! It was a big step for me to go in there all by myself and I think I did really well. I was telling my little sister that Josh did most of the design on his headstone and I think that it's because that's the one thing that Josh can do for Mac and do to feel close to him. I love it even more because Josh picked out what he wanted on it and cared what happened with it.

Me- UVU Althetics has put on a 5K walk/run the past two years and that was this morning. Last year I was 6 months pregnant and walked the 5K but then this year I stuck with my Dad, Mom and Alex and Al and I would run for about 30 seconds and then we'd both be too tired and have to walk for 3 minutes. It was actually really fun and made me realize how bad I still need to get in shape. :) In May I am going to travel to Hawaii with the baseball team and Josh and I are going to stay a couple days extra with some of our friends and family- I'm so looking forward to that!! Other than that I am just working - I'm still working at Uppercase Living and loving it. :) And that's what's been up...

I'm going to try and post some pictures of what has been happening but it seems like every time I can get my hands on a computer, I don't have my camera and vice versa so wish me luck. :)

Mac feelings...

This week has been a real eye opener for me and I wanted to share some of my feelings with those of you that follow our blog or even read it occasionally. I haven’t really blogged about my Mac feelings for some time but this week was super eventful and really life changing for me.

For those of you that don’t know Josh plays baseball for UVU and their season started on Thursday (yah)! I didn’t realize until he left that right now he is my life line. I was a WRECK the first night I was alone and then was disappointed in myself because I thought I had come so far and felt like I went back a huge step. I didn’t realize how unstable I am when I’m alone because I haven’t been since Mac passed away. I never realized this but when I’m at work- I’m with my co-workers and friends, when I’m at home- Josh is there, during lunch- I’m normally at my Mom’s with her. I started watching and noticed that there are so many instances where I am on the verge of tears (or a major melt down :))and someone comes to my rescue without even knowing it. I had no idea how many times a night I still wake up with nightmares but with Josh there I just roll over to cuddle with him and fall back asleep. I didn’t realize how much I think about how empty my house is without a baby but then Josh will cheer me up somehow. And I had no idea how much I had planned on having Mac around when Josh left on his baseball trips- I had it all planned out in my head only to realize that I was alone that night.

I ended up staying at my parents house the next couple of nights because I couldn’t stand to be alone. I got to asking myself- am I really ready to have another baby? That has been my thought process for the last couple of days… Josh and I have been trying for over 6 months now to get pregnant again, 4 of those months we have done ovulation tests and I have been taking prenatal vitamins. I’ve been really discouraged and struggling a lot with the fact that we haven’t been able to. This week I realized that this whole time I have not wanted another baby- I want my baby…I want Mac. I thought that if I had another one it would “fix” me or I would feel better about it, but honestly I shouldn’t feel that way because no one else is going to heal my heart the way I wanted it too and I want the next kid to be just as special.

Monday a new Niece arrived into the Hinckley family- Zoey Lou Hinckley. It was an…emotional day for Josh and I because we were filled with excitement and love for this new little baby but it was so hard. Zoey was born in the same hospital that Mac was, so it was the same floor, the same waiting room, the same people. I was so caught up in the excitement waiting for Zoey to be born that I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings until I saw the nurse that helped me through labor, Wendy. I told myself that there was no way she could remember us because of an experience I had with my Dr. so wasn’t going to go over and say hello, but Josh marched straight over. She turned to him and said, “I was wondering when you were going to come say hello, how is Cali”. She remembered me- and not only me but my name! I could tell by the way Josh reacted that it was safe for me to go over so I went over and gave her a huge hug- honestly I didn’t want to let go. This women stayed strong for me, tried to make jokes to keep us laughing, and was genuinely kind during labor.

When I walked in to the room to see Zoey my heart melted for that sweet little spirit and it was such a bitter sweet moment. The feeling between that day and June 27^th were so entirely different and yet I realized that they were both just as special. Zack and Heather were so happy and had such a strong spirit about them, Josh’s Mom was in the room with us and was so sensitive to our feelings and handed Zoey right over to me. Heather then turned to me and said that they had named her Zoey Lou in hopes that she would have some of the strength that I had. (Everyone in my family calls me Lou- parents, brothers, sister, Josh, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my close friends) I didn’t even know what to say- it was one of the greatest experiences for me to hear that and I was so touched!

I had this sick feeling about hospitals, Dr’s, having a baby that I needed to get over. Everything that happened this week pushed me a hundred steps closer to healing. I am so grateful that Zoey Lou has come in to our lives at this time to help me through all of this and for her parents who are amazing people and have helped me in a way they will never know. I am so glad that Josh is playing ball- no matter how hard it is- because it can only make me stronger. It’s amazing to me to know the friends and family that I do and their great support through all the hard times. So I guess at the end of the week, I'm just grateful for the additional trials that I go through even though I thought my "turn" for trials was over. Keep 'em coming because I am growing more and more with each one!! :)