A few more days!

Alright, we are down to a couple more days before they induce me and we finally get to meet this little baby girl! I haven't updated the blog because I've been so busy doing all of the last minute tasks, Holiday's, getting ready to not work for 6 weeks, and Josh is trying to cram all of his school work in so that he can take a while off to be with Oakland and I so the computer has been occupied. And even after all of that, I still don't feel ready!

These past couple of days have been really emotional for me. All of the feelings that I thought I felt strongly still, are hitting me really hard. I cry- a lot. I miss Mac. The strongest feeling that I have is the feeling I had the day we were sent home from the hospital. The last day I was in the Hospital was without Mac. The nurses had come and taken his little body away and then it was just a matter of time before they sent us home. I remember Josh going down and getting the car, my Mom, Tyler, and Laura walking down with me and all of the beautiful flowers we had gotten...and my hands empty.

I will never forget the feelings I had when Josh and I walked up the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment. It's all a blur- except the very emotional feelings that I don't think I will ever get out of my head and my heart. I remember stopping at the top of the stairs, dreading to go in the house because that would make it real. I was home, without my baby that I had waited for so long to bring with me. I didn't want to walk past the nursery because that would mean looking inside to see all of Mac's unused baby items. Josh turned back to me, grabbed my hand and told me it would all be alright- he was there for me. On our door was a sign from his family welcoming us home and when we opened the door both of our parents were there.

I don't think I ever thanked any of our family for that day- I do remember every little detail but at that moment didn't think to thank them for all they had done. They had cleaned our house- and I mean deep cleaned. They had stocked our fridge, freezer and cupboards with food and snacks. And in the mean time, still been taking care of Josh and I at the hospital. They were exactly what I needed when I was missing Mac so much.

All I know is that the experience I had with Mac will be so different than this experience I will have with Oakland. Both of them are going to be life changing events for me... feelings, moments, memories that I will never forget and will cherish forever! But. I will sure be glad to bring a baby home from the Hospital with me this time!!