My sweet husband

Josh asked me how I was doing today and handling my emotions at work and we had a little conversation about it but then Josh says to me, "You're a strong girl, I'm amazed by you." Josh, I love you... how would I ever get through anything without having that little nudge of support from you every day!

It's a Birthday party!!

For: McKallister Vance Hinckley (Baby Mac)
Date: Sunday, June 28^th
Time: 8:00PM - 9:00 PM
Place: Mac’s graveside (Larkin Sunset Gardens Cemetery)
1950 East 10600 South
(you can actually turn right on 1700 East and park in the street- his graveside is right off the road)
Who’s invited: YOU!

After celebrating Mac’s birthday as a family on Saturday we want to invite everyone and anyone that would like to come have a Birthday party with us up at his graveside on Sunday. We are planning on meeting at his grave at 8:00 PM for a little cake, ice cream and fun as family and friends. We hope to see you all there as you have made such a great impression in Josh and I’s lives this past year and we truly appreciate your love and support.

Missing Mac

I really missed Mac today for some reason... In 20 days he would be one years old! I have a one year old- how crazy is that? I've realized that as time has passed, I don't miss him less, and the hurt doesn't go away...I have just learned how to live with it and how to make myself better because of it. I see Josh with other kids and can't even imagine how much I would fall in love with how he plays with our kids. I wonder what Mac would look like, and how big he would be. I wonder if he would drive my little brother crazy because he'd always want to take his toys and chew on them. I wonder how he would get along with his cousins.

I wonder how my life would be different always putting a kid in a car seat, or waking up to take care of him at nights. I wonder what his cry would sound like- or better yet his laugh (would it be like Josh's lol) and I hope more than all of the stuff I wonder about, I hope that everyone knows how much I love him and how much I love the people that care about him.

4 new posts!

Ok- I posted 4 different posts. Ha sorry, that's kind of random but I had some stuff to get caught up on and decided to post them all seperate so that everyone could pick and choose how much time they had and what they wanted to read about. :)

Our big surprise...

While we were in Hawaii my parents called to let us know that Mac's headstone got set in! You may remember that they originally just put in a little index card sized paper that said his name and the date he was buried. Josh and I had decided that we wanted to wait until Mac's first birthday to put in his real headstone, and so Josh's sister and her husband bought us a temporary headstone that could be there in the mean time. I remember how much that meant to me when they gave it to us for Christmas...I was amazed that they would think of us in such a selfless way and help us enjoy our Christmas without Mac.

When my Mom called to let me know that this new one was in- I couldn't help but break down and cry. It is such a huge milestone in our lives. I never thought I'd be in the situation that I am in, but I was so happy to finally have his official headstone. Happy about a headstone?! I couldn't believe it... but I was happier then than I had been this whole year! Something for Mac to have that is all his own. When we went in to design it they threw around some ideas- gave us our options and then sent us home with a rough draft.

Everything that I would suggest, Josh would acknowledge, let me know it was a good idea but... and then he'd shoot out his idea. We did this back and forth for a while when Josh turned to me and said, "Ya know- I haven't done a lot for Mac and I feel like this is the one thing I can do just for him." After that I did not say another word and Josh designed the entire headstone by himself. It was so touching and I had never thought of it that way... Mac's headstone means more to me now than anything- something just for himself that Josh played the main part in. Mac's Birthday is next month, so his Birthday present came in a little early but it was just the boost I needed.

Hawaii the vacation :)

Josh and I had so much fun in Hawaii together, especially with the couples that we went with. We got to hang out at the beach, go to the PCC, go shopping at swap meet, and sleep in!

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Hawaii Baseball

Josh's last baseball series was in Hawaii and so we decided to make a trip out of it and I went. One of the players, Jory, was a pitcher for UVU who is married (to Lacey) so we went with him and one of the players from last year and his wife (Opi and Kenz). For the first 4 days we were there they had games at night, so we all went to the beach in the mornings then got to go back to the hotel and take a nap before each game then head off to the games.

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Josh played amazingly every game he played and the last game was so bitter sweet. Josh and I got married in February of 2006 and he left 6 days later for the first series of that spring. Every year since then he's played games every spring, traveled, and we've lived baseball! We've been married for 3 baseball seasons, so when it was over, all I could think about was what we were going to do with our lives now. It was so cute watching Josh walk off the field after his last at bat...He looked like he was going to cry. It was the sweetest thing ever! After the game we got to take pictures of everyone on the team and then hang out in Hawaii for the next week.