Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It just can't get any better!!!

After I had Mac, in my mind, I was a mom and I could never go back. In some other peoples mind, I wasn't a Mom because I didn't have a kid here on this earth to raise. People would ask me if Oak was my first, and I would sometimes find myself answering yes. I don't know if this was because I didn't want to take the time to explain, if I was afraid I would cry because of all the pregnant hormones, or if I knew saying I had a stillborn was/is a natural conversation stopper? Towards the end of my pregnancy this was something I fought with so hard and got really emotional about it. After having Oak, in my mind, she is my second child. Now if people ask me, I would proudly and without hesitation say that I have two kids, she is my second, she has an amazing older brother, we are a family of four and we are all lucky to have him in our lives....and I wouldn't care if I balled my eyes out the whole time.

I think that sometimes I try to block out the sadness, forget that heart-renching feeling when someone tells you that your baby is no longer alive, and even sometimes want to say that I have one kid. What I have recently realized is that none of that helps the pain. When I think about him, talk about him, and even share him with others is when I seem to be really happy because he's my kid. Why hide him?

I absolutely love and adore Oakland. I could spend every minute with her and it would never get old for me....One of my very good friends wrote on her blog, "My newest visual obsession" when she had her son. When she first put that I thought I understood what she meant because I have Mac but I don't think I understood the meaning of her post title because at the time all I had was pictures of Mac to look at everyday and try to see new things. With Oak- it's totally different because I get to watch her grow and progress everyday. I honestly would not mind watching Oak sleep, nap, cry, anything. I have two completely different visual obsessions and find myself very lucky to be someone that can say that. It doesn't get any better...

MORE PICTURES AND UPDATE ON OAK....

Sarah and some other work friends chipped in to get Oak a Bumbo for my shower. The first time I put her in it- I thought she was going to die she cried so hard. Now...she LOVES IT! Thanks so much everyone!!!

Watching sports center...


Just chilling in my bumbo watching the ceiling fan...



Oakland is lucky to live so close to both mine and Josh's family. Here are some pictures of recent visits. I thought this first one was cute of my Mom holding Oakland on her legs...


My brother, Alex, is the greatest little uncle and has really started to bond with the two little girls in the family. He's getting really big and can hold Oakland- "All by myself".


My Older Brothers little girl and Oakland are only 3 months apart- I already know they are going to LOVE it! Morgan gets really excited when she first sees Oak and try's to grab her to put her in her mouth, pull her hair, or hit her in excitement. It really is pretty cute!
Oakland is lucky enough to live in her great-grandma's (G.G.'s) basement. G.G. is really good with her and frequently reads and sings to her. I am so glad that she will get to grow up knowing her and my Grandpa- they are both amazing people and love Oakland to death!
This is Oaklands second Mom...some days I think Tinker thinks she is her first mom! She loves Oak and is very protective over her. The other day Oak was sitting in her bouncer and one of my grandparents cats came over to smell her- Tinker came running over growling to chase the cat away and make sure Oakland was ok. I better watch out!!


Josh and Oaklands new game...









To update you on Josh, he is still attending school at UVU and only has one semester left before he graduates. (YAY!!!) He just got an internship at Alder Construction and is LOVING every minute of it. We are really hoping he gets a job out of it so keep praying for us that he will! Josh is probably Oaklands favorite person- she will follow him with her eyes whenever he is in the room, if she hears his voice she will turn her neck in whatever direction she can until he is in her eyesight, and she normally stops crying as soon as her picks her up...oh did I mention that she loves to watch sports center with him? I'm thinking they are going to be pretty good buds and I don't think Josh would mind one bit. :)

22 comments:

Michal Ann said...

Cute! Cute! Cute! Your joy bubbles over. I love your delight in both babies and that you "proudly and without hesitation say that I have two kids." Thank you for teaching us that blocking the sadness of your loss doesn't help the pain. How wise to recognize that if you don't talk about Mac, you miss the great joy of acknowledging his precious and beautiful life. Oh yes, he's alive!

You are a lovely family of four and have such a terrific extended family as well!

I love the range of your emotions.

Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15

Erin said...

These new pics of her are so cute!!! She's looking so big.

She can't help but follow Josh with her eyes because he's so stinkin' big (big as in tall, not fat...well maybe that too--j/k Josh). She probably has nothing left to look at when he's in the room because he takes up all of it.

Sarah said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE when you post pictures. She is such a special little girl. They really do become your visual obsession-don't they? I think Mac is your heavenly obsession. I love the picture of Oak on your mom's legs. Oh and when I got to the picture of Alex holding Oakland- I cried. I know, I'm such a baby. I just think they are two of the most special people. You're such a good mommy- and trust me-Oak knows you. Get better fast! (or slow I guess for your sake :))

TAYBEL said...

She is so BIG! I can't wait to see her again and squeeze her!

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Michelle (Three Men and a Lady) said...

Too cute for words! Glad to hear you're doing better Cali.

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Michal Ann said...

What is this Vegas junk? I got some other thing forwarded that looked like it would be inappropriate. I didn't do to any of these sites. In bloggin extensively, I've never seen this kind of link or whatever it is.

Please answer as a comment, o.k.??

Sara said...

I am so happy that things are going so good for you. I hope that you keep being able to enjoy all these wonderful moments!
You are a lucky mom to 2 beautiful children!

Ty and Laura said...

She is just gorgeous! We miss you guys! Looks like you are having a blast!

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summergibbs said...

She is absolutely beautiful!

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Mackenzie Mayfield said...

Cali and Josh!! I can't even believe how cute your little family is. Oakland is just as precious as ever and I LOVE her name! She is just growing huh? Congratulations to you guys. Much love!

Love,
Kenzie Mayfield :)

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Kristin said...

Cali and Josh,
I just found your blog through Jeri and Blake's, and I hope you do not mind but I am so grateful. Cali, I am so amazed by you. I have been reading from a way back and I am just in awe of your attitude and your raw honesty on everything you have gone through. You have up lifted me and my spirit and your example has helped me to be a better mom and person. Thank you so much for sharing. I will come back often. Oakland is absolutely beautiful and I hope you do cherish every moment because they do go by so fast. You have become such an amazing person, and we love and miss your family so much!

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Jessica said...

I loved all the new pics! I need to pull the ones from Superbowl off mine and send them to you! She is adorable... and those jammies... so cute!!!