Monday, January 18, 2010

Pics, Pics, and more Pics

I LOVE being a mommy to this sweet little girl! Every day I think more and more about how lucky I am to have her in my life and to be able to raise her. Mac has taught me so much about motherhood, patience and being thankful for every moment. It is incredible how much you bond with your children and the love that you can have for someone you barely know (although I feel like I know her more than ever now).

I am truly thankful to be out of the hospital and finally able to take care of Oak like I want to. I am starting to feel more like her Mom every day and am learning so much about what her and Josh got to do while I was not able to be with them. I am starting to get us both in a routine and enjoy every minute I get to spend with her. I love her little cry, laugh (she does this cute snort thing that I think is a laugh?), hair, noises, everything!

I think that we all miss Mac but the pictures we have are more cherished now than ever before. I love looking at them with Oakland because she really seems to pay attention to the pictures- like she knows him and loves him too.

This is totally off topic but it's a little experience that me and Oak shared. Josh was at a camp with the Young Men in our ward last Friday and our little nephew, Brock, celebrated his 2nd birthday the day he was gone. Rachel made a book for his birth mother with the year events. In one of the months she made a page about how Brock enjoyed hanging out with his cousins and for some reason when I got home and was thinking about that, it really struck me that Mac would have been about a year in those pictures and would have been running around playing with them. I couldn't help but think about what good friends him and Brock would have been because they are close in age.

Well I started to cry and couldn't stop. Since Josh wasn't there I felt so alone and really missed both of my boys. I felt so sad that he couldn't experience those things with his cousins and I felt sorry for myself that I could never have pictures of my little boy with his cousins. Oak was actually sleeping in the bed with me and she looked up at me, as I was sobbing at this point, and let out a tiny little coo- reached up and touched my face with a huge smile. It was so amazing and I felt so close to her and Mac at that moment. It was like Mac needed me to know that he was ok and I should be too because I have Oakland and I could take as many pictures as I wanted of her with her cousins. So that is my new goal...catch every minute in pictures!!! Here are some of the more recent ones with all of her random, funny faces she makes.




16 comments:

Michelle (Three Men and a Lady) said...

She is gorgeous! It is so fun to see the two of you enjoying parenthood. I must admit when I saw that first picture of Josh I had to really look hard because I thought it was Jake.

Sarah said...

Cute cute pics Cal. You look beautiful and so does Oak. I'm glad you're home, but can't wait till you come back.

She Made Mention said...

You don't have ANY clue who I am, but I just happened upon your blog one day. I recently lost my son at just 44 days old. He has a story too. So if you get a chance.... come on by. I have two other children that are completely amazing. I know how you feel as you ache for your son to be able to enjoy your sweet little baby Oakland. As mothers, we have all these hopes, dreams, and desires for our little babies-- especially to have the opportunity and blessing of growing up in our loving families. It doesn't seem fair at those moments, but you did the right thing, you cried and let those feelings come to the surface- I love that Oakland reached and touched your face. So touching... Brock will ALWAYS be a part of you & you will one day reunite your family and even have the opportunity to raise him-- in a much, much better place. For now, always remember that he is in the safest, warmest place that he can be--- next to being in his mother's arms. I hope you don't mind that I have found a connection to how you feel and this trial and blessing in your life. You are so lucky to have beautiful daughter and I'm glad that you cherish pictures--- so do I. So take lots and lots and cherish every moment. Oakland is lucky to have such loving parents and even a baby brother that will ALWAYS be near, looking after her. You are a great example and I hope you don't mind me stopping by a bit. With love, Jess

http://thisandthataboutthebowmans.blogspot.com/

Matt and Stephanie said...

What a sweet baby. I'm so happy you are feeling better!

Henich Family said...

I love the one of you guys kissing her! That is so cute and funny.

You are amazing Cali...

Rob and Susie said...

Cali and Josh. She is perfect and beautiful. You make a cute lil family. I am sure Oakland misses her big brother as much as you do. I can just imagine their time together. I am glad you are feeling better. Take care of yourself. DVT's are not good things. I love to follow your story...you guys are a cute couple and amazing parents. Much love and respect. Susie

summergibbs said...

She is beautiful! I love the burp cloth and Josh's shoulder! She is a very lucky little girl to have such great parents!

Brittany Slesk said...

Hey cute girl! She is so beautiful! I hope you are feeling better. We need to get together soon so that I can meet Oakland, and see you guys! I am so happy for you guys!

Village said...

LOVE the pictures....She is adorable!

Jodi Pilling said...

I have been following your blog for a LONG time...I have seen your ups and downs and seen you grow. Your baby is BEAUTIFUL! It makes my heart over flow with happiness to see you so extremely happy with your baby girl. How lucky she is to have a big brother watching over her everyday.

Sara said...

I am so happy that you are feeling better and that you are able to be the mom that you want to be.
The only thing that keeps popping into my head is that even though it was a and is a challenge to loose Mac (I can't even imagine!) But what a blessing it is to know that the Lord would trust you with one of his most righteous Spirits! That he was so righteous that all he needed was to get his body and then return to live with his Heavenly Father. What a great Honor to be his Earthly Mother! You must be a great mom and daughter in the eyes of the Lord!

Anonymous said...
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Michal Ann said...

I've followed your story from the beginning and was getting so concerned when I didn't see any new posts. You sure went through a difficult and serious medical crisis with the blood clot! What a blessing that you had all the care needed to return to health.

It's just wonderful that you have a terrific marriage to a strong supportive husband.

May you all be blessed with joy and health!

"I pray that God, who gives peace, will make you completely holy. And may your spirit, soul, and body be kept healthy and faultless until our Lord Jesus Christ returns."

I Thessalonians 5:23

The Ramirez Family said...

Cali,

You don't know me, but I was given your blog the other day by a friend. You are such a strong and amazing person. Today is the 4 week mark of my loss. I "feel" exactly what you say when you say not a day goes by that you don't think about him or hurt for him. I long for the baby I didn't get to experience. You are a true inspiration to me. THANK YOU for sharing your story with me!
Cherish every moment you have with your beautiful little girl!!! She is absolutely beautiful.

Sarah Carr said...

I want to start an Oakland fan club! She is so darn cute and even cuter in person! I'm just over-the-moon happy for you!!!

The Hernandez-Jaquez Family said...

Hi, Cali
You don't know me...am Mary and i just want to tell you that you are an amazing, and strong person... Since i heard of your loss i've follow your blog and knowing that you once again have gotten that wonderfull BLESSING form GOD (your baby girl) it just fills my heart with great joy!!! your family is in our prayers and GOD BLESS YOU four allways... I had a loss back in september 2009 and just found out am pregnant once again and just by reading all you experience it makes me feel stronger myself Thank you so much, because even do we don't know each other you have made a big impact in my life..
thanks,
God Bless you and you family once again!!!