Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Why did this happen to me?

When Mac first passed away, I think everyone's first thought was "Why". Sometimes you just can't help it. I wondered why I wasn't good enough to be a Mom, or what I had done to cause this to happen. I wondered why I had gone through the entire 9 months of pregnancy, only to have a life with Mac cut short because of a cord accident. I wondered why God would do this to me? Why does he not love me enough to keep me from feeling that pain. I think everyone tends to do this when life gets tough.

Today though, I say this...

Why did God love me enough to trust me with his choice spirits and allow me to have Oakland on this earth to raise? What did I do to cause this to happen- be lucky enough to have two amazing kids. Why did I go through the doubts and hurt thinking I wasn't good enough when I know now what I do? Why would God do this to me? Why does he LOVE me so much that he would let me feel pain so that when Oakland was born, I know the hurt I could have felt and can feel the gratitude, pure love, and happiness towards our kids.

A wise women once said, "We can ask "why?" and "if only..." all we want, but it won't change the reality that Mac just wasn't meant to stay with us. No matter what would have happened differently, the outcome would have remained the same. God does not make mistakes. Mac was simply not meant to be here. He was too perfect to stay. His spirit was so pure that he had to be called home before enduring the trials and pains of this world. He fulfilled his earthly mission in the short time he was here and has returned to his heavenly home."

I say, "We should ask "why?" about the good things in life every day, because Heavenly Father loves us enough to bless us on a daily basis. No matter what does happen in our lives, God does not make mistakes. Some things are meant to happen, to teach us and to help us grow. We need to strive to be perfect. Our family needs to look up to Mac and his spirit that is so pure and live through the trials and pain of this world so we can be with him again some day. We need to fulfill our earthly mission in the time we have so we can also return to our heavenly home."

Why am I and my family healthy?
Why do I get the oppurtunity to raise such an amazing little girl?
Why do I have such a great job?
Why do I have a husband that loves me?
Why do I get the chance to see snow and smell rain?
Why do I get the priviledge to live in a day where there are wonderous things happening in the church?
Why do I deserve this? Why is this happening to me? HOW did I get so lucky...

9 comments:

The Lunds said...

I have always appreciated your amazing attitude and perspective on things. I have been following your blog ever since the Mac incident but I think this is the first time I have commented. I love your blog and I think you are an incredible woman! By the way, this is Jeremy and Jon Neilson's sister!

MeKell and Aaron said...

Wow, Cali you are such an amazing person! I admire you for your strength and your positive outlook and your faith in the Lord. Baby Mac and little Oakland are very lucky kiddos to have you and Josh as parents!!

Meredith said...

Cali, you always make me think...thank you! My question today is Why did I find Cali, Josh and Mac by pure accident?

I know the answer and I love to share it with anyone who will listen. I found you just 3 months before I lost my daughter.... God is good.

Meredith

The Beckstroms said...

Cali - I love, love, love reading your blog and keeping up on you guys. You are truly a wonderful example to all around you and I admire your faith. Oakland is such a cutie! But I do have to laugh as I read her stats because our little Annie, now 15 months old is about the same size - 17 lbs and 29 inches long. AARGH! My little babies.

Sara said...

Thank you for this post. You are amazing! I had a friend just tell me yesterday that she has a family member who lost their baby last week due to the cord being wrapped around the neck. I shared yours and mac's blog with her to share with them. Hopefully they can come to the peace and understanding that you have and that through your blogs it can help them start to heal. You are an amazing daughter of God and such an amazing example to all the people who read your blog. Thank you for letting me lurk!

Michelle said...

I feel the same way as Meredith. It was your blog that was left on mine as a comment. It was your blog that opened me up to this amazing babyloss blogging world. The support has been amazing. God has a way of making everything work out!

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU for that comment today. I have been walking around feeling like such a pessimist. I needed that ....

Katie Brousseau

The Brady Bunch said...

I have a question for you... How do you open my spiritual eyes enough with every one of your posts to make my earthly eyes ball. Cali, You truly are my one of my heroes. You are always in the back of my mind and I admire you so much. Josh, Mac, and Oakland are so lucky!!!! We love you guys so much. Thank you for keeping me in check and for always making the sun rise in my life again with your posts! Please don't stop!!!!

Rachel said...

so you have no idea who i am ... i came across your sweet baby boy's blog today, i am amazed at the strength you and your husband have and especially even more amazed after reading this post, i lost my little guy in july of 2007 after only having him for 5 months and still i wonder what in the world i did wrong for god to do this to me .. its been almost 3 years and i still cant get to the point that you are .. i hope to someday but for now i just wanted to say that this has truly inspired me to try and think of it the way you have ... i am truly so sorry for your loss ... i know the pain and heartache you and your family have gone through but again thank you for making it possible for me to have come across his sweet blog and yours as well ... you've inspired me more than you'll ever understand !
Rachel